


I Only Lie When I Wish It Were The Truth

by Wackadaisicl



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Artist Bill Denbrough, Bisexual Bill Denbrough, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay Stanley Uris, Getting Together, I wrote Stan so analytical, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Rating is just for cussing, flustered Bill, overused tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29524863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wackadaisicl/pseuds/Wackadaisicl
Summary: Bill left his sketchbook at Stan’s house. He was an amazing artist from what Stan had seen and yet he always seemed to hold his sketchbook close to his chest whenever someone else came around. Was he still not confident in his ability after years of practice? Stan hesitantly opened the front cover.AKA the overused trope of person A secretly drawing person B as they pine because I love it and I can
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	I Only Lie When I Wish It Were The Truth

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve seen the first IT movie a total of one(1) time and read the first chapter of the book so if this is out of character I’m sorry. I’m literally only here for the found family and the gay ships. Also, I used the actor’s eye colors according to Google, I have no idea if that’s their canon eye colors...
> 
> They’re in their sophomore year of high school, about 15/16, and it’s a modern setting because I didn’t want to deal with homophobia. Georgie isn’t mentioned but Imma say he’s alive because I can :)
> 
> The title is from the song I Hate You So Much by Alexander23 and has pretty much nothing to do with the actual story

Stan could feel Bill’s eyes on him but he kept his own eyes on his algebra II homework. They were in his bedroom; Stan at his desk and Bill in his bed. His parents were gone for the weekend, leaving him the house for all of his crazy shenanigans. If “crazy shenanigans” included inviting Bill over to do homework together despite being told he couldn’t and maybe forgetting to brush his teeth until after he’d eaten lunch. Bill needed help with chemistry and he’d been in a hurry to go bird watching that morning, sue him.

They had split into their separate assignments that didn’t require assistance a while ago but Stan was finding it increasingly difficult to focus. He could see from the corner of his eye as Bill’s head snapped up to watch him before returning to whatever he was doing. He’d caught Bill doing that a lot recently, along with other odd behaviors. Stuff like going out of his way to comment on how close they were or taking Stan’s side in arguments he knew he was just being stubborn on. Not that he minded, but stuff like that made it harder to keep his feelings in check.

Finally, he’d had enough. Setting his pencil down, he turned in his seat to face the boy sitting with crossed legs in his bed. Upon noticing the shift, Bill snapped the book in his lap shut and threw it behind his back. Again, odd behavior.

“Is something on your mind, Bill?” Stan asked, eyeing Bill carefully.

“Hm? No! Wuh-why?” He wasn’t sure why Bill was being so defensive but he didn’t want to push so instead he backtracked.

“Nothing, you’ve just- It’s nothing, sorry.”

“Suh-sorry” Bill replied quietly. Before Stan could question what exactly he was sorry for, he continued. “I should p-pruh-probably start heading home.”

Stan checked his phone laying on his desk beside his abandoned homework. It was 7:23pm and while it was still light outside, the days were getting shorter along with the fall chill and it would definitely be dark soon. Bill had rode his bike over since his driver’s permit required a parent’s supervision and Stan didn’t want him riding in the dark so he nodded.

After saying their goodbyes and walking Bill to the front door, Stan returned to his homework. He hadn’t gotten very far, too distracted by Bill acting weird. It took him until almost eight to finish. He gathered all of his assignments into his designated ”homework folder” which he then put in his backpack for tomorrow. All packed and ready, he zipped it up and turned towards his dresser by the bed to start his nightly routine. Grab pajamas, take a shower and brush his teeth, go to sleep. Text Bill if he couldn’t sleep, since Bill always stayed up much later.

That’s when he noticed Bill’s sketchbook still on his bed. He thought about grabbing it and chasing Bill down but he was long gone at that point and Stan was tired so he figured he could just give it back to him at school tomorrow. He went to put it in his backpack but couldn’t help the sudden spark of curiosity. Bill was an amazing artist from what he’d seen and yet he always seemed to hold his sketchbook close to his chest whenever someone else came around. Was he still not confident in his ability after years of practice? He hesitantly opened the front cover. Was this an invasion of privacy? It felt like it but the guilt faded to a slight nudge in the back of his skull as he looked through the first couple pages.

The very first page was just scribbles; shapes, lines, and some splotches of color where Bill must have tested shades. After that there were some rough sketches of people, some Stan recognized and others he didn’t. Some celebrities like Scarlett Johansson, Zendaya, and Joe Keery(all he knew were some of Bill’s celebrity crushes) were ones he recognized. Then came some sketches of The Losers. Stan recognized a particularly ugly caricature of Richie from last summer when he’d begged Bill nonstop for days to draw him. Needless to say, he wasn’t very pleased with the outcome. Some more detailed images of Bev sparked a feeling deep in his chest he didn’t much like so he jumped ahead until some color caught his eyes.

They were sketches of birds from times Stan dragged Bill into bird watching with him. He’d already seen all of these, Bill always showed him when he was done and sometimes even let him watch as he drew them, but they were beautiful and the previous sharpness in his chest was chased away with a familiar warmth so he just admired them again. Strewn in between birds were lone facial features; eyes, a nose, lips. They looked oddly familiar but he didn’t pay them much mind. That is, until they all came together to a full face he definitely recognized. It was his own face, from a side perspective, looking out in undeniable awe. It must have been from one of their bird watching sessions but it looked like hours had been spent on the intricate, fully colored piece. 

Stan could feel his face and lower back heating up as his heart quickened its pace. _It’s just a drawing,_ he reminded himself. _It doesn’t mean anything._

He turned the page. It was him again, this time from the front and with a wide grin but just as much detail as the last. He turned the page. It was him glaring at a very roughly sketched person that could only be Richie. This one wasn’t as detailed as the last two, clearly done in a hurry, but the attention was definitely focused on him. He turned the page. Over and over he kept turning but it was all him, each page more accurate than the last, until finally he ended on an unfinished sketch of him sitting at his desk focused on a piece of paper in front of him. It had to be from tonight.

He slammed the book shut, throwing it back onto his bed, and jumped to his feet, unconsciously pacing back and forth. He was ecstatic and confused and scared all at the same time. Coherent thoughts seemed to abandon him as his mind raced.

_What does this mean? Does it mean anything? Does it mean what I_ want _it to mean? It can’t, right? What if it does? What am I supposed to do about it? Am I supposed to say something? What am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to bring up the multitude of drawings of me I found while looking through his sketchbook without permission? Will he be mad? What if I bring it up and it_ doesn’t _mean what I want it to mean and I end up embarrassing myself by assuming? What if it makes things awkward? What if Bill stops drawing me because of it? What if-_

There was a loud knock, frantic and booming.

Stan stopped dead in his tracks, almost tripping in the process. He was making his way to the front door before he could even process what was happening. He didn’t stop to wonder who could be knocking on his door this late at night, though he faintly had an idea, or to care that he was explicitly told not to answer the door when home alone. No, he didn’t stop until the door swung open to reveal Bill looking panicked and disheveled with his fist in the air mid-knock. 

“I-I-I think I luh-left my sketchb-buh-book here and I nuh-nuh-need it,” Bill rushed out, sounding just as panicked as he looked.

“Uh, yeah it’s… it’s here. I was going to give it to you tomorrow.” Stan took in the sight in front of him. Wind swept hair and wrinkled clothes suggested Bill had biked over in a hurry. He didn’t want Stan to see what he had.

“Oh um, th-thanks but I jusss… just need it now.” He was avoiding Stan’s eyes. 

“Yeah, of course uh,” he gestured for Bill to come in, which he did. Stan watched as he raced up the stairs for a moment before closing the door and following. When he reached his room, Bill was clutching his sketchbook to his chest, still avoiding eye contact.

“Did you, d-did you…?” 

“Look?” Stan supplied. Bill nodded, biting his bottom lip. He kept tightening and loosening his grip on the book. Stan hated when he got like this. He sighed. “I… I know I shouldn’t have but-” Bill finally met his eyes looking absolutely terrified and Stan’s stomach filled up with dread. “You’re such an amazing artist and I guess curiosity just got the best of me. I’m sorry.” He couldn’t look at Bill any longer so he moved his gaze downward to his feet.

“You- yuh-you saw, then…” Stan just nodded, fairly certain he knew what he was referencing. Bill continued, “I’m sorry. I nuh-know it’s kinda creepy.”

“I don’t think it’s creepy.” His voice was faint but he couldn’t bring himself to say it louder. It didn’t matter, Bill must have heard him as he let out something between a sigh and a laugh. Whatever it was, it was full of disbelief.

“Dude, it-it’s like huh-haf-haf-half the book. It’s kinda creepy…”

“You’ve probably drawn Bev way more.” The words were out before he even realized he’d thought them. His head shot up to see Bill staring at him with narrowed eyes and eyebrows scrunched together. Just as he started an apology, Bill spoke at the same time.

“It was just a muh-middle school crush, you’re not gonna l...et me live that down?” He was genuinely smiling now, however small, and Stan found himself reciprocating. He was a sucker for Bill’s smiles.

“You two are close, I just thought…” He trailed off, smile slipping from his face. They were always whispering and giggling to each other and spent a lot of time together after school. It was hard to interpret that as anything but dating or at least flirting. Bill stepped closer to him, an amused smile tugging at his lips.

“It’s nice to bond over ob-oblivious boys.” Stan swallowed. His cheeks were burning and he didn’t really know what to say about Bill’s small confession. He wasn’t sure it meant what he wanted it to so he scrambled to change the subject instead.

“You know, you make me look a lot prettier in your drawings than I actually am.” Self deprecation, an easy out to most situations. Most people either join in with their own jokes or they get awkward and move on or drop the conversation altogether. It was Stan’s most valued tool in conversation.

“So you’re saying my drawings aren’t accurate?” Bill got even closer and Stan had to actively fight the urge to step back.

“Oh yeah, you got my eyes all wrong. I don’t know how you managed it with colored pencil but they practically sparkle in some of those. In actuality they’re pretty murky and dull.” It was true, Stan had spent a lot of time studying his eyes in the mirror. Just a sort of foggy gray with some other colors mixed in. They could never live up to the bright green ones, so full of life and cheer, that often plagued his mind. The ones that were now right in front of him, staring at him with an intensity he refused to identify.

“We must not have been looking into the same eyes, then.”

Stan’s mind went completely blank, unable to focus on anything outside the boy standing so close to him and the hand suspended just inches from his face, hesitant and radiating heat onto his cheek. Bill had this determined look like he desperately wanted to do… _something,_ Stan wasn’t sure what, and yet he still hadn’t moved. To be fair, neither had Stan. They just stood there, staring at each other for who knows how long before Stan finally snapped out of the odd trance, clearing his throat and looking anywhere except at Bill. He could see Bill’s shoulders sag from the corner of his eye and the hand lowered back to his side. He fought the instinct to chase it. They still didn’t say anything as Bill awkwardly made his way to the bedroom door, as if he wasn’t sure that’s what he was supposed to do in that moment. Stan found himself speaking without thinking yet again.

“Bill-” The boy in question’s head snapped back to him with expectant eyes. Stan didn’t actually know what to say, he just really didn’t want Bill to leave. Wanted to understand what had just happened between them before it was over and they moved on, never bringing it up again. “I just- what just happened? Between us? I can’t let this be another thing we just pretend never happened. I need to know if I’m making things up. If…” He trailed off, not entirely sure where he was going with the thought. He tried again, “I really want this to mean… _something_ but I don’t know if it does.”

“Wuh-what do you want it to muh-mean?” He nearly groaned at the quiet reply from the doorway. He wasn’t ready to confront this yet but if he didn’t do it now, he didn’t think he ever would. He just wished Bill would make it easier on him. Would stop being so vague. He realized that was hypocritical and he was just as bad. He wanted to leave blanks for Bill to fill for him so he could easily backtrack if things didn’t go the way he wanted, pretend Bill was the one misinterpreting things, but at this rate they would just keep walking in circles, never getting anywhere. He decided to step out of that circle for once.

“I like you, you dipshit. I have for a while. And I need you to be straightforward with me for once about your feelings because I am too tired and scared to make any assumptions.”

Bill laughed from the doorway. Full-on, open and honest laughter that would’ve made Stan melt down to the floor if he wasn’t preoccupied being horrified and frankly, angry.

“I luh-luh-love you, you know that?” Bill asked through his laughter, Stan felt his grimace soften. “Thuh-thuh-that’s what this means.” He finished more seriously.

“Oh,” was Stan’s dumb, breathless reply. Finally, he’d made a move and Bill just _confessed his love for him_ , something he’d never dared even imagine was possible, and all he could muster was _‘oh_ ’? He had to come up with something else. “Do you… mean that?”

Bill’s cautious grin was replaced by the same determined look from earlier as he turned back into the bedroom, walking right up to Stan and actually cupping his face this time.

“Yes.” It was short and simple but it sent Stan reeling. He placed his hand over Bill’s on his cheek, gaze flitting from deep, green eyes to pink lips and back.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked much louder than he’d meant to, startling them both, but then Bill was leaning closer and he couldn’t bring himself to care. Bill stopped just an inch from his mouth, their breaths mingling, leaving Stan to close the gap. He did, more forceful than necessary resulting in his nose smacking against Bill’s, which was a little painful but Bill didn’t pull away. Instead he just turned his head a bit to the side, effectively slotting their faces together more comfortably. Stan felt Bill grab his hip with the hand not holding his cheek and pull him closer until they were flush against each other. The action sent a chill down his spine.

This wasn’t Stan’s first kiss, of course. He’d dated a couple girls for no more than a few months before he realized the reason those relationships just didn’t feel right was because he’s gay. But he’d never gone farther than quick pecks with any of them, always pulling away as soon as they tried deepening the kiss. So, he had no idea what to do when Bill’s tongue ran along his bottom lip. After a moment of shock, he parted his lips and Bill’s tongue shot into his mouth. It was a little weird and very unfamiliar but he didn’t pull away until he was sure he’d suffocate if he waited any longer to breathe. Luckily, Bill seemed to be in the same place as he pulled away at about the same time.

Bill used the hand on his cheek to direct his head and put their foreheads together as they both gasped for air. Stan opened his eyes to find Bill’s were still closed. He pulled away so he could see all of Bill’s face clearly, and without going cross-eyed. The image of this boy absolutely blissed out was mesmerizing, even more so as his eyes fluttered open to reveal his favorite shade of green. Stan suddenly wished he could draw like Bill so he could capture this moment for forever. He loved this boy so much, it was overwhelming. He realized he never said that. He realized he _could_ say that now.

“I love you too.” 

Bill’s grin widened and Stan was tempted to grab his phone and take a picture as an alternative to drawing but he knew that would just end the moment and Bill’s smile would go away. Instead, he kissed him again. On his lips, on his nose, on each cheek, on his forehead, and back to his lips. Due to Bill’s laughter he kissed more of his teeth than his lips but he didn’t mind. It didn’t matter where he kissed Bill, he was just elated to be kissing him.

“Muh-maybe I should’ve show-showed you sooner?” Bill asked into Stan’s hair after he finally relented, instead pulling Bill into a tight embrace.

“Oh definitely. You have no idea how long I’ve been pining for you, you asshole.”

“Huh-hey! I was busy pining muh-myself!”

Stan just laughed, pulling back a bit to place a kiss on Bill’s cheek which was quickly replaced by his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I wrote this instead of finishing a Boyf Riends fic I’ve been working on that may never see the light of day. Also a big thanks to my partner for beta reading this and always being so encouraging! I love you so much, Cookie!


End file.
